La Mer (personal blog post)

 I was feeling particularly despotic and lethargic the other day. I got up, unable to even collect my thoughts. It was about 6 in the evening, and the sun was still blazing. I asked for the car keys from my mother, told her I was going to the park, she obliged and handed them to me. I got in the car and started driving. And I just drove.

I drove northward on I-45. I drove while listening to some jams here and there, then I drove silently, as I reflected. I drove while having one of my many arguments in my head with whatever thought up party of my imagining, and then I drive silently - completely - not thinking about anything at all. I drove, and I drove, staying northward, until I couldn't drive anymore. Until I was in "the sea" of the great Texas plains. That part of Texas out there, so far removed from civilization, it's so dark that it seemingly glows with a vivid darkness that is inexplicable to describe. That is why I call it the sea.

I ended up at some ho-dunk gas station in the middle of nowhere, and I stayed the night there. Sleeping in the car was uncomfortable - far more than I could have ever imagined it would be. In the middle of the night, I heard coyotes crying out - I know they were real because I made sure I was awake when I heard them. Some people nearby mentioned something about the coyotes and their migratory patterns - them I wasn't so sure were real, as I was already drifting in and out of sleep at the point when I overheard them. I "overheard" others as well. Someone mentioned something about Samael and "imprisming him within a prism" or something like that. I have many dreams, many times a night - it's not unusual for me to.

When I awoke, I was frantic - I say twilight already ebbing out over the horizon. I needed to call my mom and get her to send me some money for gas, so I could make my way back. I was not at all surprised upon picking up the phone and hearing her voice that she was instantly antagonistic with me - adversarially so. But that wasn't anything new, in fact, it was pretty normal - but at that moment it stuck out to me more than anything else. I became instantly enraged, I asked if she even cared about me at that point - if she even knew what my original reasoning was for going out there that far. "I CAME OUT HERE TO DI--" The call cut off. Battery died. I recharged the phone, collected myself, then called her again. "Could you please send me some money, so I can drive back home?". She obliged. I thank the lady at the register for her assistance (she lent me a charging cord), pumped gas into the car, then made the long drive home.

It's been a couple of days now since that happened, I haven't spoken with my mother since I got back. And we live in the same apartment unit. Weird. Nonsensical. It doesn't make any sense. 

None of this makes any sense anymore.